


A Reason to Get Out of Bed

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Smallville RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-11
Updated: 2010-07-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 00:40:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8776282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Summary In order to live a fulfilling life one must ascertain a reason to get out of bed, a reason to live. The one thing dear Jensen lacks he’s got great friends and family most of whom support his sexuality yet it still isn’t enough for Jensen. It doesn’t stop him from wanting to die. But then he meets the new kid. Will a new friend and someone to talk to save Jensen?





	1. Prologue Jensens Suicide Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Starts of heavy on the angsht. Jensen is suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts but this fic is about him getting better.

  
Author's notes: This isn't really a chapter there is hardly any plot devolopment  


* * *

Prologue Jensen’s Suicide Letter

 

I’ve decided to write this letter because I am going to kill myself, I really cant stand the idea of living like this and I just wanted to assure you that it was nothing you did, nothing anyone. I just can’t do it. I mean yeah all teens angst it comes with the territory I guess but A) I didn’t sign up for this and B) well I guess I have no B).so this is the part where I’m going to address everyone and reminisce about our fun times and explain how none of you could have stopped this. It’s just something I had to do. Because for me there was no other way out of this depression. I kinda just really hate myself… a lot. And well everyone says you have to love your self before you can love others well little none fact you have to love yourself before you can accept the love of others to.

So here goes

Tom - ahhh favorite I don’t have to many nicknames for my friends but you will always be favorite after we decided that everyone needs a favorite person and we might as well be each others even though at the time I had known you for about a week, lol our conversations about food (yum) and boys and plans to get wasted I know I could always come to you but I don’t want help I Love you for ever and I know you and rosey will get married and have beautiful children one day. I regret not being able to see these things but its best for me.

Kane bestiest I’m so glad I met you while helping tom find a prom suit it’s not everyday you have to best friends that are also brothers. Or well it is everyday for me. I know you’ll get a girlfriend and be happy and I know you know how much I love you and your brother. I also know you’ll remember me fondly every time you see a pair of leather assless chaps the Wellington-kanes will always be good people in my book

Mom I hate that you’ll hate me for doing this to myself I trust you to know I love you. And I know you think what I’m doing is selfish but maybe you asking me to live was selfish and you better not doubt your mothering skills cuz this isn’t your fault its mine and if you think its yours go fuck yourself because you always taught me to own up to my decisions and that no one could ever make me do anything so don’t become a hypocrite now.

To the children I never got to have I apologize because I would have loved you so much no matter what. To all my peers I never got to meet I apologize for never meeting you. And to my Soulmate I deeply with all my heart apologize to because I need you more then I need to breathe I wish you were here to hold me and listen to me and to kiss me and make me smile when it feels like a will be perpetually crying. I apologize for never getting to know you or make love to you. I apologize for never knowing whether or not you are actually out there. Maybe you could of stopped this but I truly doubt it since fate did not being us together sooner.

With all my Love

Jensen

Jensen read over the letter in his hands. Truly not wanting to hurt everyone he cared about but not wanting to hurt any longer. Decided to test fate. He wasn’t sure if it was because Serendipity was playing in the background or if because he truly didn’t want to die. He was almost completely sure it was the first one but he got on his knees and prayed allowed anyway to whoever was listening if anyone was.

 

”Dear god, Satan, Jesus, goddess and anyone else anyone has ever prayed to including led zepplin and RuPaul if you want me to live, tomorrow at school send me sign, and a sign to know that the first sign is the sign from you or wait scratch that, its to complicated just like send me a sign and I’ll try and see it okay? Okay. I Love you I guess is that appropriate if not well I’m sorry I don’t do this thing often but yeah oh and keep everyone I care about safe. Thank you”


	2. Chapter 1 the sign

  
Author's notes: not sure if this chapter is any good. its moer positive but pretty short  


* * *

The Sign

Jensen sat in 3rd talking to Crysta the girl from Florida who claimed to be Pertu Rican but was so obviously 100% white it was sad. She was going on about her drug dealer ex boy friend who she might get back with when she went back to Florida over the summer. He was trying to calculate the odds that she might actually be telling the truth he decided that the knowing a drug dealer part was most certainly, probably a fact but everything else a lie. Hell Jensen could name of three drug dealers he knew personally. But not as a client just as a he was in high school and every high school has the creepy Mathew mccounahey dazed and confused guy. A Jeff spicoli fast times guy and the drug dealer from any teen movie guy. It just one of those well known but rarely acknowledged type things. He was trying to figure out what it was that Crysta had said that he missed out on when. Dr N said “Jensen what does the sign on the door about no talking say?” “Well something about not talking” retorted Jensen. He received a chuckle from some classmates and glares from others. Dr. N stood there looking unamused so he turn toward the door prepared to read the sign out loud when the door opened and in walked the tallest guy Jensen had ever seen had Jensen was 6’2 his friend tom 6”3 and well Chris aka Kane was short so he didn’t count as to why this kids height was impressive. The kid in the Elvis Costello t shirt Nikes and old ripped up jeans(the kind that weren’t bought that way) took the seat next to Jensen shook out his shaggy hair, flashed a smile and said “my names Jared.” Jensen returned the pleasantry and sent out a message to all higher powers saying if this is my sign thank you and let me here a song to know he’s it. 

That’s when Dr. N’s phone sang out “I wanna love you” the maines cover of the Akon hit. Dr N blushed and retrieved the vibrating/ singing object and said’

“That’s funny, that’s not even my ring tone.” 

Jensen thought back to the previous night and was a little concerned that maybe Satan was doing all this but then he decided that it was fate, because that was a hell of a lot more comforting.

Jared turned to Jensen looked at him gave a goofy smile then handed Jensen a folded piece of paper that read. 

"Heyyyy wanna be my new best friend?"

Jensen literally laughed out loud, he hadn’t made a best friend like that since kidergarten so of course he replied with

"Actually that sounds great. But um I’m gay so if that bothers you then well yeah"

Jensen found it best to come out to new people immediately that way he didn’t have to worry about losing them because of it later on. Jensen tried to determine Jared reaction through his expression before reading the reply

"that’s awesome!! I’m gay to so yeah cool beans, wanna play the question game?? Its where we take turns asking questions and replying."

so jensen smiled to himself as he wrote

"sure um class ends in like 5 minutes though so text me @ eight six six nine oh seven three two three five?"


End file.
